Today, I share 24 hard-earned lessons from 24 years of marriage, from building love maps to repairing after conflict. The biggest shift comes when we stop trying to be right and start choosing curiosity, clear requests, and respect for our differences.

• love is something we build intentionally rather than find
• updating love maps as we both keep changing
• harmony, disharmony, and repair as the normal relationship cycle
• trust built through repair instead of easy seasons
• arguments as signals of deeper needs to be seen and valued
• choosing understanding over being right, including yes and language
• two subjective realities and why curiosity creates compassion
• intimacy shaped by daily connection, playfulness, and freedom from pressure
• stop hinting and testing, start making clear requests and teaching your partner how to love you
• avoiding apathy with small consistent effort
• aiming for an intimate friendship and passionate partnership
• honoring differences as the source of passion and a path to intimacy

If this episode resonates with you, please reach out. You can find me on Instagram @monitalksmarriage or email me at Moni@monicatanner.com.

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In this week's episode with my friend, Eli Harwood, we talk about how our unhealed wounds show up in parenting and how healing can change what our kids inherit. We share stories, practical repair language, and why self-compassion and community support matter more than getting everything right.

• Monica’s story of divorce, absence, and later healing
• Eli’s family experience with mental health support and growth
• why it’s never too late to deal with your emotional baggage
• cycle breaking through small choices and showing up differently
• repair as the difference between hurt and long-term harm
• perfectionism as a hidden source of pressure in parent-child bonds
• using self-compassion instead of shame to create change
• why kids need other trusted adults and a wider support system
• how the book’s chapters match real emotions like anxiety and regret
• trusting your intuition and trusting your kids

Go grab Eli's new book: How to Deal with Your Stuff So Your Kids Don't Have To on Amazon or anywhere books are sold.

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In this week's episode, I name the messy middle of a relationship reset and explain why falling into an old fight can be evidence of growth instead of failure. I'm sharing a simple three-step framework to help us respond differently, protect connection, and build a stronger couple identity through repair.

• reframing “nothing’s changing” as an opportunity to do it differently
• treating the return of conflict as the work rather than a setback
• shifting from reacting to taking responsibility without shame or blame
• using the power question: how do I want to respond differently
• moving from winning the argument to protecting the connection
• using the power question: how do I protect us right now
• focusing on who we are becoming as a couple instead of “is this working”
• modelling rupture and repair so kids learn healthy relationship skills
• breaking generational dysfunction and trauma through consistent repair

Make sure you're sending these episodes to your partner and start having these conversations together. I would love to hear about your experiences with the relationship reset.

Get help by downloading my FREE Get Lucky Guide here --> https://monicatanner.com/getlucky

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