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Pillow Talks

Pillow Talks

By: Vanessa & Xander Marin
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Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!2024 Hygiene & Healthy Living
Episodes
  • E267: The Hygiene Episode

    E267: The Hygiene Episode
    Jul 2 2026
    Should I shower first? Is this normal? Why does it smell like that? This week we're going there with zero judgment, answering your real hygiene and sex questions one by one. Nobody taught us how to actually take care of our bodies for sex. Not our parents, not health class, not anyone. And so we've been left to piece it together ourselves, often while carrying a whole lot of shame that doesn't belong to us. That's exactly what this episode is about. We got flooded with questions from our Instagram audience on hygiene and sex, and we're answering all of it, honestly, warmly, and with more poop talk than either of us anticipated. From what to do before and after, to discharge, breath, smells, and the great cleanup debate, we're covering it all. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: What actually matters (and what you can skip) when it comes to staying fresh before and after sex Why the shame we carry about our bodies being "dirty" around sex is making everything harder, and messier What your vulva actually needs to stay clean (spoiler: way less than you've been told) Why semen can have a smell, and when it's actually worth a second thought How to tell your partner their breath or body odor is getting in the way of intimacy, without it turning into a fight The gush: what it is, why it happens, and what you can actually do about it The after-sex cleanup debate: cup-and-shuffle, a towel by the bed, or straight to the shower If you've ever felt self-conscious about your body, your smell, or what counts as "normal," we hope this one leaves you feeling a whole lot more at ease. There's no shame here, just us answering the questions everyone's secretly Googling. 🕯️ Want to keep things exciting long after this episode ends? The Spark is our monthly membership for couples who want to stay connected, playful, and turned on, without having to figure it all out on your own. Fresh ideas and prompts delivered every month to keep intimacy feeling alive Low-pressure ways to reconnect, even on your busiest weeks Made for real couples and real bodies, zero shame required A simple monthly nudge to put each other first again 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks The Spark. No planning. No awkward ‘what should we do?’ Just open it and go.And it’s only nine dollars a month, cancel anytime. Because a little spark goes a long way. ➡︎https://buy.vmtherapy.com/the-spark Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    53 mins
  • E266: Ask a Sex Therapist (Part 3) Sex Pillows, Squirting, and Standing-Up Sex

    E266: Ask a Sex Therapist (Part 3) Sex Pillows, Squirting, and Standing-Up Sex
    Jun 25 2026
    You send us your most "I can't believe I'm actually asking this" questions, and we live for it. So we're back with the third edition of Ask a Sex Therapist, going rapid-fire through as many of them as we can, with real answers, tips, and stories. No question is too awkward, too niche, or too "is it too late to ask this at my age?" 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: What "tossed salad" actually means, because it's never too late to ask How to tell if you're about to squirt or pee, and whether squirting is even real Is the G-spot orgasm real? We settle it Sex pillows and spit as lube: the honest yes-or-no on both Why standing-up sex never seems to work, and how to fix it Why a partner might go soft when you're on top Strap-ons as a tool for guys facing performance pressure Whether it's worth shaking things up when your sex is already great If you've ever sat on a question because it felt too weird to say out loud, consider this your permission slip. Chances are, someone else is wondering the exact same thing. 🔗 LINKS & RESOURCES Get the TABU Pillow Comfortable, discreet, and actually changes the angle in ways that make a big difference . We’re obsessed. 👉🏻 [INSERT LINK] 💦 Variety is the spice of life (and your sex life) Ultimate Sex Positions is our guide to over forty illustrated positions, with step-by-step help getting into, out of, and moving in each one. Over 40 positions with clear, illustrated, step-by-step guidance The fixes for the ones that never seem to work (standing-up sex, we see you) Toe-curling, bedsheet-gripping experiences built for both of you Plus the secret to actually craving more sex 👉🏻 Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex 💪 For the guys: no shame in your game The Modern Man's Guide to Conquering Performance Pressure gets into what's happening in your brain and your body, so sex feels good instead of stressful. A holistic approach to performance anxiety and erections Real help for early ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and going soft Build genuine confidence in your technique For hotter, more satisfying sex, minus the stress 👉🏻 Check out The Modern Man's Guide here: https://vmtherapy.com/modernman 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    1 hr and 1 min
  • E265: Is This Cheating? (Part 3) Emotional Affairs, Secret Texts, and Sneaky DMs

    E265: Is This Cheating? (Part 3) Emotional Affairs, Secret Texts, and Sneaky DMs
    Jun 18 2026
    Have you and your partner ever actually sat down and defined what counts as cheating? Most of us never do, which is exactly why the gray areas get so complicated. We're back with Part 3 of Is This Cheating?, weighing in on your trickiest, most "wait, is that okay?" scenarios. 💛 In this episode, you'll hear: Why every couple has to define cheating for themselves, and the talks most people skip Real listener dilemmas: late-night drives, a secret sex-shop trip, and disappearing text threads The female-friendship situations that blur the line between platonic and something more Our honest take on the big one: does masturbation count as cheating? A rapid-fire round on nudes, dating apps "for friends," flirty DMs, and drunk Vegas kisses Why this is the perfect episode to play for your partner and talk through together If you've ever felt unsure whether something crossed a line, you're not overreacting and you're not alone. The clearer you get on your own definition, the easier these conversations get. 🕯️ Want more connection, intimacy, and spark in your relationship every single month? The Spark is our monthly membership that delivers fresh, low-lift ways to connect, flirt, and keep things exciting. New prompts and ideas delivered to you every single month Designed to spark real conversation and connection, together Low commitment and big payoff, for just a few dollars a month Perfect if tonight's episode has you wanting to reconnect with your person 👉🏻 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark 💛 Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram → https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame → https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Quince. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. This spring, give yourself the kind of comfort that lives with you all day — not just the moment you get home. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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    57 mins
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I follow Vanessa and Xander on Instagram and love watching their stories and posts. I was really excited about their podcast when it came out and it didn't disappoint. So nice to listen to more in depth information about relationships and sex. The podcast is so easy and enjoyable to listen to!

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