Showing results by narrator "Jessica Almasy" in All Categories

Apparently, there’s no rest for the over-forty crowd. Yes, I have fabulous friends. Yes, I have a beautiful baby. Yes, the ghosts are coming back home. Yes, I’m in love with the Grim Reaper. However, that sexy Demon has got some major ’splainin’ to do … like his possible involvement in the shocking kidnapping of my worst and most deadly enemy. With a drag queen and an ice queen as my back up, we’re going to sashay away into the Darkness to find the truth and turn a wrong into a right. Although, I’m learning fast that black and white are often clouded with shades of gray.

Two years have passed since Vita was arrested by the Inquisition, and her time in prison has not been kind to her. As Penelope Vesuvius plots a grand breakout while currying favor with the government, the monstrous Lark joins the Church in search of redemption. A conflict between the most powerful forces in Valka is set to simmer, and it's only a matter of time before it boils over...

And I thought being half Vampyre/half Demon was hard.... That's nothing compared to being a mother. Sweet baby Moses in a boob tube, there aren't any books on raising True Immortals, so let me give you a few tips.... Make a map of every closet and bathroom in your home if you enjoy having sex. Sleep deprivation can cause confusion, and a map will help if you have only seven minutes and 31 seconds. You're welcome.

The Jedi reluctantly team up with the nefarious Lourna Dee in this all-new Star Wars audiobook original, narrated by a full cast. Lourna Dee is not a villain. She’s not a hero. She’s a survivor. The former Tempest Runner, wanted by both her Nihil allies and the Republic, has evaded...

The entity in charge of everything—and I mean everything—has lost Its ever-loving mind, and it’s up to me and my nearest and dearest to fix it. This deity is dangerous and out for blood—my daughter’s included. So, we’re going after it before it comes after us. I’ve called in the troops, and we’re ready to rumble.

Welcome to Hell. Literally. The Hell where the Prince of Darkness is hotter than Hades, Hell Hounds smell like brownies, and the Seven Deadly Sins are addicted to Facebook.... Not to mention the soundtrack in the Underworld is Journey. For real. I should have known no good could come from offing my parents in the space of 20 minutes no matter how psychotic and evil they were....

Vampyres don't exist. They absolutely do not exist. At least I didn't think they did 'til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead? Now I'm a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren't bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite, and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe.

A holistic and powerful framework for accepting and liberating our bodies, and ourselves. Have you ever felt uncomfortable or not “at home” in your body? In this book, the founders of Body Trust, licensed therapist Hilary Kinavey and registered dietician Dana Sturtevant, invite readers to...

Never in my 40 years did I think my new normal would be gluing body parts back onto ghosts and hosting a houseful of dead squatters. Thank God for superglue and a strong stomach. Never thought I’d date the Grim Reaper and that I would be the one to blow it. I mean, how idiotic does one have to be to get dumped by a dude who lives in Hell? Going about business as usual is not usual in any way. No one is who they seem to be...and to be honest, neither am I. What I’d known to be true has turned out to be myth. The angels are frightening, and the demons are hot.

Something has awakened. Every generation has a legend. Nobody's every really gone. The conclusion of the Skywalker Saga is finally here. This junior novel retelling of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, contains deleted and extended scenes, including exclusive scenes you won't find anywhere else!...

I thought being a Demon sucked, but being a Demon Goddess is a whole ’nother level. Life had been so much easier when I was just a forty-year-old has-been actress trying to make a comeback in the land of Botox and BS. For the love of everything absurd, I was just getting used to being a Demon … and BAM … all of a sudden I’m supposed to be one of the two gals in charge? I mean, being the co-star of the show is great until it involves ruling the Darkness with the evil whack job who destroyed my mother.

With a new job I didn’t apply for and an extended family I didn’t know I had - midlife has become somewhat problematic. Gluing ghosts back together is easy compared to my new celestial occupation. The Grim Reaper wants to put a ring on it. Tim wants to be a father. Candy Vargo has lost her damn mind, and Jennifer thinks we’re all sparkly vampires. I’ve been given an impossible task with catastrophic consequences for failure, but it wouldn’t be my midlife without another crisis.

Dorky, socially awkward entomology student Evelyn wakes up one morning to find herself as some sort of alien-human hybrid trapped on an unknown planet. Once the initial panic winds down, she quickly learns she's capable of producing more of herself: additional bodies all sharing one mind. Being well-versed in sci-fi tropes, she quickly resolves to not devour the planet and turn into an unflinching biological armada, and instead uses her new powers to try and help as many people as possible. Unfortunately, it turns out that helping people is often very, very difficult.

With my life back to normal - normal being a very relative word - one would think I’d catch a break. One would be very wrong. With an angel gunning for me and a demon in my bed, life couldn’t be more complicated. Not to mention, I’m going to have to make a rather large life choice. Do I want to live forever? Does anyone? Forever is a very long time. Whatever. I’ll think about it tomorrow...or next week...or next month. As long as I have my girlfriends, my dogs, a super-sized case of merlot, and my deceased squatters, I’m good to go.

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING SERIES From the creator of the Big Nate series comes the third Max and the Midknights adventure! "Fantastic! I loved it!" --Dav Pilkey, New York Times bestselling author of the Dog Man series Everyone's favorite knight-in-training is back...to back! Max's twin is...

Wow. Who saw that coming? I know I didn’t. As you know, I’m the Red Raptor. Now that things have...changed, I’ve asked my friend Amy to help tell the story. No, seriously, she’s just a friend. I mean - I guess if it were up to me? But...no. Okay, so there’s a new threat - a bunch of punks called the Neon Knights. They’re causing mayhem, armed with some kind of plasma-photon-light weapons that I can’t even begin to understand, and as usual, I’ve gotta stop them. However, this time I’ve got help. That’s right, I formed my own superteam. One for the ages.

Marla Mason is the chief sorcerer of Felport, a woman who's tangled with gods and monsters and come out on top (if a bit damaged in the process). Bone Shop tells the story of Marla's evolution from runaway to sorcerer's apprentice to mercenary magician and beyond. Fans of the urban fantasy series from Bantam Spectra that began with Blood Engines will find surprising secrets revealed about Marla's past, and new listeners can get to know the character from the very beginning.

Mixing heaven and hell on my cousin's famous birthday seemed like such a brilliant idea. I wanted my baby's first Christmas to be special - memorable. I'd like to chalk my heinous idea up to having been falling-down drunk, but that won't fly, as it's insanely difficult for a Vampyre to tie one on. So instead I'll deal with obscene gifts from relatives, kidnapped rock stars, and catering by Mother Nature.

Imagine your least favorite class from school. The one you hate showing up to because you can’t stand the teacher - and maybe the feeling is mutual, even though they can’t admit it. You hate the subject, and you’re miserable the entire period, every day, every second. None of your friends are there, and even if they are, you can’t hang with them. You just sit and do your work. No talking. No bathroom breaks. Now, imagine that the class has several aggressively strict teachers, and those teachers have superpowers. In fact, they’re the most powerful people on the planet.

Tom DeMille lives his life exactly as he pleases - always alone. In fact, he's got that motto tattooed in Greek on his arm. But when Tom is suddenly saddled with guardianship of his 12-year-old niece, he'll lose more than his freedom if he can't figure out how to take care of her. Then an alluring young woman with pink hair and a sassy mouth shows up at his door, and he agrees to do the unthinkable - photograph a wedding in exchange for some help with his niece.