After hearing a clip of Life Boat on Instagram, it’s hard to recall if I listened to Raye’s THIS MUSIC MAY CONTAIN HOPE first on YouTube Music or if I cold bought the album on iTunes. What I do remember is laughing, crying and feeling a grounded sense of rapture. One thing I REALLY appreciate about this album is that, while it is hopeful, it does not skip past the pain. It acknowledges pain repeatedly and from different angles.

Picture of me walking on my walking pad backwards.

The color yellow, especially after my previous paintings, feels offensive. But offensive felt like the correct vibe for this piece. Wondering if I had a similiar shade of yellow in nail polish, I was hyped to find two! I took the one that matched more and started painting Crissi’s nails. Here’s a pic before I added any designs.

Picture here is my mannequin hand named Crissi, with bright yellow nails.

Sometimes to move through “negative” feelings we have to actually acknowledge them. And sometimes those feelings are offensive, off-putting. We want to move past them, not through them. There’s a time and place for both moving through and moving on. The first largely emphasizes acknowledgment; the other relies heavily on letting go. This painting is an ode to the former.

Pictured here, my piece: I h8 YOU.

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Had a craving for a big, circular canvas. 16x16. Settled on 12x12, but I’m content. Don’t want the walls being overtaken too quickly.

I was inspired by this painting I did in 2024 (2023?). Months before I would move to Chicago to live with my then boyfriend now husband. Intended to recreate that painting. When this smaller canvas was painted, I remember thinking that, even in the midst of difficult situations, the good and light can break through, even thinly. And that is enough.

Pictured here: Baby painting. I love the colors up close.

Been spending a lot more time being quiet. No podcasts or music or audiobooks. Not as much Animal Crossing: New Horizons (I FINALLY remembered to buy turnips this Sunday!). I’m finding it easier (?) to experience, process and move through my feelings when I actually know what I’m thinking, and that’s easier to decipher in the quiet. Also, it’s rarely perfectly quiet. The air conditioning, the dryer. Right now there’s a bird chirping.

Pictured: the ceiling view of a light, the “They see my heart, they keep away” painting, and the beginnings of my closet.

Couldn’t bring myself to recreate that smaller painting. I still believe that a little light breaking through matters. That concept is just not what is sustaining me these days.

Pictured here: My “threaded” painting.

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I got back into reading so as to avoid staring at a screen. It worked, but I then had to admit that I also need to express myself beyond writing in my journal. As of late May 2026, I am rereading The Naturals series by Jennifer Lynn Barnes.

Today’s painting is waiting to be hung up. A couple weeks ago, I ordered a pink curtain and want to make sure they go well with each other. Thankfully I had saved some rods and hooks from previous curtains we had up, so that’s one less purchase to make. Hopefully by the end of this month they’ll both be put up.

Originally my plan was to paint this canvas shades of pink and that’s it. But then I enforced the budget I’d placed on myself and had to wait the following week to buy a new canvas. So to curb my impatience, I made a new rule that for one week I would work on a single painting, and wow has that been great for my mental health. Now instead of a few quick moves of a brush, I am thinking about my experiences and feelings, then translating them into different colors and patterns. My love for this exercise has been revived.

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