In an increasingly complex, polarised, and fast‑moving world, the ability to have high‑quality conversations may be one of the most important leadership skills we have.

In this episode of We Not Me, Dan Hammond and Pia Lee are joined by Dianna Anderson, founding member of the International Coaching Federation and a pioneer of coaching-based leadership. Together, they explore why conversations are the hidden engine of change — and how curiosity, presence, and shared language can help teams and societies move forward together.

Dianna introduces her framework “Untying the Knot”, offering a practical way to understand what really blocks progress in conversations — and how to shift from argument and polarity to connection, trust, and hope.

🎯 Three Reasons to Listen

1. Learn a simple framework for navigating difficult conversations
   Diana’s Untying the Knot model helps you quickly identify what’s really getting in the way — whether it’s awareness, fear, or skills.
2. Build confidence to engage across difference
   Discover how to stay grounded, curious, and connected — even when values, worldviews, or emotions run high.
3. Reconnect with hope in a complex world
   This episode reframes today’s uncertainty not as collapse, but as fertile ground for meaningful change — starting with how we talk to one another.

✨ Episode Highlights

• Why change today is fundamentally different — and why linear conversations no longer work
• How our worldviews shape every interaction (often without us realising)
• The three types of “knots” that block progress in teams and relationships
• Why curiosity is more powerful than persuasion
• How to regulate yourself before entering high‑stakes conversations
• The link between psychological safety, leadership, and behavioural change
• Why hope is not naïve — but a leadership choice
• How better questions can completely transform everyday conversations

🔓 The Three Knots That Block Change

Diana explains that when conversations stall, there’s always a knot — and it’s usually one of these:

• Do‑Not‑See Knots
  Someone isn’t aware of a possibility, assumption, or perspective.
• Do‑Not‑Want Knots
  Fear, risk, or emotional resistance is holding someone back.
• Do‑Not‑Know Knots
  A genuine skills or capability gap is creating friction.

Identifying the right knot helps focus the conversation where change can actually happen.

💡 Practical Takeaways

• Enter conversations with curiosity, not certainty
• Ask open questions like “How does this make sense to you?”
• Don’t aim to win — aim to understand
• Regulate yourself before engaging others
• Start small: connection is success

📚 Recommended by Dianna

📖 Maybe You Should Talk to Someone — Lori Gottlieb
A warm, thoughtful exploration of different human worldviews through the lens of therapy — and a powerful way to build empathy and curiosity.

🔗 Links Mentioned

• We Not Me podcast:
  👉 https://www.squadify.net
• Squadify (podcast supporter):
  👉 https://www.squadify.net
• Book recommendation:
  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
  (Available via major book retailers and libraries)
• International Coaching Federation (ICF):
  👉 https://coachingfederation.org

🎙 About the Guest

Dianna Anderson is a founding member of the International Coaching Federation and a global thought leader in coaching-based leadership and change. With over 30 years of experience, she helps leaders and organisations build shared language for navigating the human side of complexity, transformation, and collaboration.

In this episode, Dan and Pia are joined by Danielle DeMarco and Greg Neufeld to explore a powerful idea: the family is the first and most important team we ever belong to. Drawing on their backgrounds in venture capital, startups, and leadership, Danielle and Greg share how they intentionally design family culture using the same principles that underpin high‑performing teams — clarity, shared identity, rituals, and psychological safety.

The conversation spans family values, collective purpose, rites of passage, co‑leadership, and why modern parenting often creates more anxiety than clarity. Along the way, the group surfaces lessons that apply not just at home, but directly to enterprise teams, co‑leaders, and organisations navigating complexity.

Three Reasons to Listen

1. Reframe family as a team — not a series of individuals
   Learn how shared identity, collective incentives, and simple rituals can dramatically strengthen connection and reduce fragmentation at home and at work.
2. Practical leadership ideas you can apply immediately
   From family meetings to co‑leader alignment rituals, this episode offers concrete practices that translate directly into enterprise teams and leadership partnerships.
3. A refreshing antidote to “perfect parenting” culture
   Danielle and Greg challenge fear‑based parenting narratives, replacing them with a zoom‑out, long‑game approach grounded in culture, intention, and compassion.

Show Highlights

• Family as the first team: Why the earliest lessons about teamwork, expectations, and belonging are learned at home.
• Shared identity in action: The Neufeld family cheer — and how rituals instantly shift five individuals into one collective.
• Incentives that unite, not divide: How a shared “super ding ding ding” reward reinforces team behaviour rather than individual competition.
• High standards + high support: Lessons from elite investment cultures (including Ken Griffin’s Citadel) applied to family leadership.
• Culture lives in the present: Why great culture isn’t built for a distant future — but day by day, moment by moment.
• Family meetings done right: Moving beyond logistics and correction toward appreciation, learning, and connection.
• Rites of passage and individuation: Helping children climb their own mountains while keeping family as base camp.
• Co‑leadership under pressure: How to surface fear beneath non‑negotiables and stay on the same side.
• Why things going wrong is not failure: A powerful reframing of mistakes, hit rates, and “winning enough” in families and teams.
• Media recommendations with a twist: From the Founders podcast to Real Housewives as an unexpected masterclass in group dynamics.

Useful Links & References

• The Most Important Thing Podcast — Danielle DeMarco & Greg Neufeld
  Focused on intentional family culture, leadership at home, and raising capable, connected humans.
• Bruce Feiler – Happy Families
  Referenced for its research on family meetings as a cornerstone of strong family culture.
• The Founders Podcast
  Recommended by Greg for studying timeless leadership and entrepreneurial mental models.
• Real Housewives (Franchise)
  Danielle’s unconventional but insightful recommendation for observing group dynamics, power, rupture, and repair.

Maintaining relevance and purpose as we age requires letting go of entitlement based on experience, embracing genuine curiosity about new things, and focusing our energy on meaningful connections and contributions within our immediate sphere of influence rather than consuming anxiety-inducing information we cannot control.

Three reasons to listen

• Explore how to maintain relevance and purpose as you age without falling into entitlement or becoming disconnected from younger generations.
• Understand the balance between bringing wisdom from experience and staying curious about new developments in a rapidly changing world.
• Rethink what legacy means beyond career achievements, focusing on love, connection, and positive impact on the people directly around you.

Episode highlights

• [00:00] Introduction: A Special Episode in New York
• [01:35] Hitting the Big 6-0: Expectations vs. Reality
• [03:15] Life 6.0 and Finding Comfort in Your Own Skin
• [04:45] Navigating Age Discrimination and Bias in Tech
• [06:50] The Duty of Curiosity and Learning AI
• [08:10] Combating the Fear of Irrelevance at 3:00 AM
• [10:20] Neolithic Floods: The Evolutionary Value of Elders
• [12:35] Defining Legacy: Family, Capitalism, and Spirit
• [15:45] The Power of Love and Connection in Teams
• [17:15] Managing Stress: Moving from Global News to Local Influence
• [19:30] Closing: Celebrating in New York

Links

• Track and improve your team performance with Squadify
• Leave us a voice note