This week it’s Taurus Season! Amy and Maya recap their birthdays. They are twin brothers, of course! Amy sold a house, and it was a whole hell of a thing. Maya & Producer Tyler try a new deli with sandwiches named after local celebrities. Maya has a drink she dubs the best version of Bartles & Jaymes. Next up, she has a bevy on the deck of The Gasthaus Bavarian Hunter. Then it’s on to a new pasta place in Robbinsdale. Amy recounts a run-in at her new nail place, Vertex Nails. She runs into a situation where a nail tech demanded to know who did such a bad job on her nails, and it was that nail tech. Then she shamed Amy for not identifying her as the offender. What a weird flex. Amy took a week off for her birthday and shopped all over town. She did Facebook Marketplace and wowed this woman by loading a whole yard swing into her car. She showed this woman what was possible with some tools and a dream. Maya recounts giving away a bed in her Buy Nothing group. The ladies reminisce about paper map books for the car. Animal Report: Chonkers the sea lion. Stop body shaming this big buddy! Approved/Denied: RIP Spirit Airlines.

This week on the pod, the Pay-TREE-archy gives us allergies, and we get a “Baby Jessica” update. If you’re Gen X, you know. Maya goes to a Tom Petty cover band. Amy and Maya have different experiences ordering things from China. Someone brought a gun to the White House Correspondence Dinner, and Maya ponders if we’ve become desensitized to the world completely unraveling. Maya wonders how historians will feel about our laissez-faire attitude while the world was completely falling apart. Amy’s work allows them to award points to coworkers. For some reason, there’s a whole page of rewards items devoted to your crotch and butt. Apparently, the rewards selection is very, very random. Amy reviews Lena Dunham’s new book. Amy hates all the peeing on the show Girls. Spoiler Alert: Amy loves this book. Which leads us to Sex in the City. Also, Amy has an amazing Steve impersonation. They did Aiden dirty on SITC. The gals review the movie Project Hail Mary. Five out of five popcorn buckets…go see it! Amy watches Coachella at home. The Michael Jackson movie comes out. Maya loves the name Jermajesty. The ladies speculate about the new He-Man movie. Animal Report: Sharks test positive for Tylenol. Ummm…big whoop.

Maya and Amy open the show asking: Tiger Woods, why don’t you get a driver?!?!? On to the Miami Open. The ladies stay in a new place. Maya is naive about hotel stairwell treasures. Walking down a Florida street is always an adventure. The ladies buy the perfect amount of vacation groceries, and if you have ever been on vacation, you know how hard this is. Maya makes the best breakfast ever. The Miami Open DID NOT DISAPPOINT. Amy and Maya look for the good swag. No, they did not get the $100 hot dog. You are talking to hot dog purists. Don’t waste your Wagyu on a hot dog. The ladies have their amazing seats again next to the player’s box with coaches and family. Hailey Baptist is sitting a few seats away. First match: Jannik Sinner vs. Frances Tiafoe. Sinner’s forehands are the hardest a human can hit anything. Seeing Martina Navratilova causes Amy an injury. Coco Gauff wears a hat? Martina, Cocoa, Big Foe, and Sinner! The Uber home was a “premium experience” filled with war movie explosions, machine gun fire, and Werther’s Originals. The gals also get “back in the tank”. If you know, you know. The best product came from two nerds who don’t have girlfriends, but they’re pretty sure if they did, said girlfriends would want to shower with them. Amy and Maya have a great rooftop dinner starring an amazing Euro-trash DJ and a tiny, angry man. Best trip ever!

This week on the pod, Producer Tyler’s clubhouse has been shut down by an internet malfunction. Amy takes her mom, Marsh, shopping for “coverup” and a new skin care routine. Shopping with Marsh is hilarious. Marsh wants to know Producer Tyler’s hobbies and what Maya’s favorite sub sandwiches are, apropos of nothing. The ladies discuss Afro Man’s First Amendment triumph. This first amendment trial is everything. You can’t make this stuff up. Watch the clips…you won’t be sorry. That’s the best tour of jury duty ever! Justin Timberlake’s DWI video comes out. Spoiler Alert: it’s so cringe. The Bachelorette is canned. Maya doesn’t think anyone needs to see the musical Chicago anymore. Maya thinks it’s weird that Sean Duffy was on The Real World and now he’s the Transportation Secretary of the United States. Maya feels bad for TSA. Amy doesn’t understand why they have to go to work and are not getting paid. Maya wonders why Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild isn’t in jail. Amy informs her that he WAS in jail. Prince Andrew’s perp photo looks like you shone a flashlight on a possum at night. Prince Andrew’s Go-to Innocent Look is Terrified Night Possum. Maya makes Amy listen to a nuts song, “Things Get a Little Easier”. The ladies top it off with an Oscars recap. Sinners wins big!!!! Michael B. Jordan is a class act. We don’t deserve him.

There’s a blizzard on SOSS Street, and the local news Weather Boners are on high alert. Amy wants Maya and her to get colonoscopies together and record it. Maya thinks that might be against the rules, but would love to watch Amy try to talk a doctor into this scheme. The ladies make their Oscar predictions. The red carpet coverage needs help. Maya is excited for Sinners, and Amy is disappointed in Timothée Chalamet. Ethan Hawke, we love you, but you can’t make us watch Blue Moon. Amy just put her home theater together! Maya has issues with Song Sung Blue. One thought about directors: If you like PTA, you like PTA, and we like PTA. Sentimental Value keeps coming up over and over. You can’t make us watch that one either! Amy likes Guillermo Del Toro and hopes he’s not a pervert. Amy figures out who Stellan Skarsgård is. There are so many Skarsgårds. Approved/Denied: What were you like in the 90s? Goo Goo Dolls Iris social media trend.

Maya gets a new jacket, and it’s everything. Gen X never thought we’d have to go through all this shit. Enough with the unprecedented times. We thought life was going to be war and disaster-free. Maybe because we lived through the Cold War, which desensitized the shit out of us. Also, living in Minneapolis has been a real ride. Is Maya Padma Lakshmi’s biggest fan? Amy thinks so. Maya reviews Padma’s new show, America’s Culinary Cup. Maya’s dog Buddy is still kicking at 16 years old. There is a new Italian Restaurant in Maya’s neighborhood. The ladies declare hate for fettuccini alfredo, and big love for the city of Robbinsdale. RIP Brookdale Mall. Maya misses a good food court. What happened to all the food courts? In another segment of Turnt Things In My Neighborhood, Amy tries to get her ears "cluster" pierced. Tennis Report: Amy tries drills at Public Indoor Tennis, aka PIT. Amy goes to “The Price is Right” at a casino. Amy’s mom, Marsh, won’t take her vitamins. Don’t even think of trying to get her to go to physical therapy. Maya proclaims her love for Entenmann's grocery doughnuts. Flavor Flav is a champion for women! Amy is excited about Project Hail Mary. Maya reviews Springsteen: Deliver Me From Nowhere. Maya remembers the time her mom peeled out of Thanksgiving.

This week, the Ep kicks off with Amy’s remorse for bullying the Quad God. Then bullies him again! The ladies totally love Alysa Liu and her flawless, badass, joyful attitude. This lady pierced her own frenulum! This gal is 100% joy! She’s so herself! Amy has a family story about the song MacArthur Park (Someone Left the Cake Out in the Rain). Amy can’t with the Olympic skating gala. Maya loves the unsung, on-ice camera operator in a white suit. Amy solves the Delta in-flight Olympic video mystery. Amy just can’t with the skater Amber Glenn. These kids would have never survived our childhood bullies, which included our teachers. The ladies reminisce about the hard, rough, brown multi-purpose paper towel that served as everything from a tourniquet to a popcorn bowl. Maya pays tribute to her elementary school classmate Steve Kelfkin. Animal Report: Wolf-dog Nazgul joins the cross-country ski race! Also, Punch the Monkey. Maya reviews the new Chi Chi’s restaurant. So many peeps from our formative TV years are dying. Dawson! McSteamy! Luke Perry & Shannen Doherty! Don’t get it twisted, we’re all team Pacey. Amy goes to a “turnt” theater in her neighborhood. Don’t even get her started on the sauna in her new neighborhood. Amy reviews Wuthering Heights. Amy feels like she was promised horny, horny, sex, sex, sex! It was not that. Justice for Tim Gunn! They didn’t invite him back to Project Runway. Excuse me, what? Also, ICE is still here doing sneaky stuff. Amy calls her mom Marsh and hashes out what really happened with the toy mixer and human waste. Also, Marsh has some very specific, important thoughts about “sassing”. We love you Marsh.

The ladies kick off the ep. with Amy reminiscing about when her dad yelled, “God d*mnit you’re going to kill us all!”

Maya & Amy try to manifest a Kratom sponsor. Amy is back from skiing in Lake Tahoe. Maya asks the question, “Is it fun to ski in a blizzard?” and “What’s a powder apron?” Hot tip: stay on the green runs, kids. Amy reviews the outfit ChatGPT chose for her. Spoiler alert: She had to buy a new sick jacket on her trip. The ladies get deep into the Olympics. Let’s face it, some of these events are boring. Maya thinks there are too many people falling down. Amy wants to add “normies” to the Olympics. Amy doesn’t think curling is a sport. Maya spills the tea on the ski jumping crotch controversy. The gals recap the Quad God’s disastrous men’s skating final and the little buddy from Kazakhstan who had the best day of his life. We love this little buddy from Kazakhstan! Are they just showing Skeleton in slow motion just to see the butt jiggles? Amy confesses she doesn’t have a real ID, and her passport is expiring. P.S. ICE is still in Minneapolis, and we’ll believe they’re leaving when we see it. Don’t get it twisted, no one is more ready for an emergency than Amy. She will CPR you right on your mouth.