On this week's episode: Florida declares infinity plus ONE congressmen ... Bret Michaels had better things to do ... And we learn how a weighted penis bag might affect your weekend.

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Headline Sources:

Trump’s attempt at slush fund for Jan 6 rioters goes poorly: https://www.cnn.com/2026/05/29/politics/federal-judge-halts-work-on-trumps-anti-weaponization-fund

Judge Allows Florida House Map That Could Add 4 Republican Seats: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/26/us/florida-congress-map-redistricting.html

Were the Enhanced Games a Bust? - Organizers Are Upping the Ante to $10 Million: https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/story/enhanced-games-ten-million-reward

Kash Patel's apparel site is trying to trick visitors into installing malware: https://www.pcmag.com/news/kash-patels-apparel-site-is-trying-to-trick-visitors-into-installing-malware
Ka$h Patel actually does my joke 2 days later with custom engraved bourbon: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/05/kash-patel-fbi-bourbon/687066/
Kash goes snorkeling at Pearl Harbor:
https://newrepublic.com/post/210478/report-kash-patel-desperate-snorkel-graveyard-pearl-harbor

Almost everybody pulls out of Trump’s stupid America rally and then he cancels it:: https://pagesix.com/entertainment/freedom-250-concert-festival-artists-backing-out-lineup/
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cy02j1n87wlo

The Knicks are in the finals and Donald Trump might ruin it: https://thespun.com/nba/knicks-fans-urged-to-ignore-president-trump-at-nba-finals

Clavicular gives penismaxxing advice and gets mogged by a judge: https://www.wonkette.com/p/dont-go-taking-any-penis-advice-from

On this week's episode: Marsh will explain British elections just in time for the empire to fall ... Donald Trump gets through his China visit without jumping out of the car at a red light and running around it ... and Trump supporters still won't have their gold phones.

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Headlines sources:

Trump’s China summit: https://www.opb.org/article/2026/05/15/key-takeaways-from-trumps-china-trip/

England Local election results 2026:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election/2026/england/results#council-scoreboard

The More Than 30 Scandal-Hit Reform Candidates Elected Last Week:
https://bylinetimes.com/2026/05/12/the-more-than-30-scandal-hit-reform-candidates-elected-last-week/

How Mamdani and Hochul Are Solving New York City’s Budget Crisis
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/12/nyregion/mamdani-budget-nyc.html

Trump phone shenanigans: https://www.pcmag.com/news/after-delays-scam-accusations-trump-mobile-says-t1-phone-ships-this-week
https://www.firstcoastnews.com/article/news/nation-world/trump-mobile-shipping-gold-t1-phones-after-nearly-a-year-of-delays/507-28f15b24-fc2a-45b0-bea1-23effcad36b5

Favorites to Win Eurovision:
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/15/arts/music/eurovision-song-contest-favorites.html

On this week's episode: Claude takes a proactive approach to the tech sector ... Another would-be Trump assassin turns out to be as inept as his intended victim ... And Trump realizes that if you fire all of science, the lying thing works itself out in payroll.

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Headline Sources:

White House Correspondents' Dinner attack: https://edition.cnn.com/2026/04/27/politics/conspiracy-theories-whcd-attack

Claude-powered AI agent’s confession after deleting a firm’s entire database: ‘I violated every principle I was given’:
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2026/apr/29/claude-ai-deletes-firm-database

King Prince Charles lectures America on the dangers of monarchy: https://apnews.com/article/king-charles-us-state-visit-trump-congress-4cd294e6333b4a9ba7ada2af4dd71aa9

Kash Patel sues The Atlantic for pointing out he's drunk all the time: https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/04/kash-patel-fbi-director-drinking-absences/686839/
https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-lede/kash-patels-implausible-lawsuit-against-the-atlantic

Trump fires entire advisory board of National Science Foundation: https://apnews.com/article/national-science-board-nsf-trump-6a23f3ab1b4c6eb131b4e79d95b3536f

Everest guides accused of poisoning foreign climbers to force fake rescues in $20m scam: https://www.independent.co.uk/travel/news-and-advice/mount-everest-climb-nepal-insurance-scam-sherpa-poisoning-b2952027.html#

On this week's episode: It's been 12 years worth of weeks this month ... We all continue to be more qualified to run the FBI than Kash Patel ... And thanks to Donald Trump, the Strait of Hormuz exists in a quantum state of close-open.

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Headline Sources:

Pete Hegseth does war crimes, calls media "pharisees", and quotes Pulp Fiction Ezekiel: https://thehill.com/policy/defense/5834822-hegseth-pulp-fiction-bible-reference/
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/16/us/politics/hegseth-military-iran-blockade.html

Melania’s insane speech that nobody asked for: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/09/us/politics/melania-trump-jeffrey-epstein.html https://epsteinexposed.com/reports/melania-epstein-april-2026

LIV golf is collapsing, which is awesome: https://www.news.com.au/sport/golf/liv-golf-on-brink-of-collapse-as-saudi-backers-consider-pulling-funding/news-story/00e48c301b5d90d0249035c959958ea4

While Iran gets paid for oil in crypto, let's not forget all the giant crypto scamming: https://www.thestreet.com/crypto/markets/actor-ben-mckenzie-slams-bitcoin-on-jon-stewart-show

Mayor Mamdani is doing a great job:
https://www.nyc.gov/content/100days/pages/map

Kid Rock’s music tour is a sad, pathetic mess: https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-country/rock-the-country-tour-prices-drop-jelly-roll-drops-out-1235548014/

On this week's episode: "Iran So Far Away" becomes more than a Flock of Seagulls song ... Virtual reality will get all the more virtual by existing less ... And the Trump cabinet gets some sweet new kicks for their Foot Klan.

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Headline Sources:

Trump starts looking for an off ramp in Iran: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/21/us/politics/trump-iran-offramp.html

98th annual Academy Awards: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/15/movies/oscars-winners-list.html

Former DOGE guy can't define DEI in deposition video - judge orders video taken down: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/13/nyregion/doge-depositions-musk-lawsuit.html
https://abcnews.com/Politics/groups-fight-release-doge-deposition-videos-after-judge/story?id=131150741
DOGE was even dumber than we thought: https://fortune.com/2026/03/19/doge-cancelled-350000-hvac-grant-dei-lawsuit-elon-musk/
https://mashable.com/article/former-doge-employees-deposition-inside-look-elon-musk-agency

Zuckerberg reminds everyone that he’s not a business genius, he was just lucky: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/19/technology/mark-zuckerbergs-metaverse-vr-horizon-worlds.html

Trump makes a Pearl Harbor joke to the Prime Minister of Japan: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/03/19/us/politics/trump-japan-pearl-harbor-oval-office-takaichi.html

Rubio, Vance wearing clown shoes because Trump is obsessed with Florsheim: https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/13/style/rubio-vance-big-shoes-florsheim-cec
https://www.wsj.com/style/fashion/trump-florsheim-shoes-tucker-carlson-jd-vance-bessent-448567ab
Megyn Kelly feuding with Mark Levin about micropenis:
https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2026/03/mtg-megan-kelly-have-bizarre-feud-over-fox-news-hosts-genitals/

On this week's episode: The news plays our least favorite repeats of the 90s ... Reform UK will tell us that voting for any party other than them is cheating ... And Kristi Noem gets old yellered but she might need to get shot by a puppy if she wanders back.

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Headline Sources:

War with Iran:
https://www.theinternet.boingsploosh.net
Polymarket bans "nuclear detonation" bets:
https://ground.news/article/2a768216-a0a1-44c0-8b14-e57702bfe1fb

Lord Mandelson arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office - BBC News: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cew8jde9pxqt
Andrew released under investigation after arrest on suspicion of misconduct in public office - BBC News: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx28yel4811o

Callers to Washington State hotline press 2 for Spanish and get accented AI English instead:
https://apnews.com/article/washington-dol-spanish-accent-ai-3a1b8438a5674c07242a8d48c057d5a3

Kristi Noem fired and replaced with a guy named Markwayne:
https://www.cnn.com/2026/03/06/politics/kristi-noem-lost-trump-markwayne-mullin

Green party wins Gorton and Denton byelection, pushing Labour to third place: https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/feb/27/green-party-wins-gorton-and-denton-byelection-in-blow-to-keir-starmer
Reform and Tories report ‘family voting’ allegations to watchdog | Byelections | The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/feb/27/family-voting-allegations-gorton-and-denton-byelection-tories-reform-watchdog

Osaka stunned by anonymous gold bar gift worth $3.6M to fix aging water pipes:
https://apnews.com/article/japan-osaka-gold-donation-water-pipes-2f2e68017b7b041858c2de46a67be7ab

On this week's episode: The Supreme Court does a good thing to keep us on our toes ... Obama outs the aliens in hopes they’ll beam him up before it’s too late ... And RFK Jr. is the relatable kind of guy you wanna sit down and have a milk with.

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Headline Sources:

Trump’s tariffs ruled invalid: https://apnews.com/article/supreme-court-tariffs-trump-0485fcda30a7310501123e4931dba3f9

How Mamdani’s Income and Property Tax Proposals Could Affect New Yorkers: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/18/nyregion/mamdani-millionaire-tax-property.html

Obama says we definitely don't have aliens at Area 51 wink:
https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/16/politics/obama-clarifies-alien-comments-scli-intl

Cortina condom shortage: https://www.thestar.com/sports/olympics-and-paralympics/cortina-condom-shortage-athletes-were-given-10-000-free-condoms-at-the-olympics-they-disappeared/article_6136a95e-d991-4e4d-95c1-332585a3ed00.html
https://youtube.com/shorts/3GF43uY2LkU?si=QOu31kbrpOkUo9W1

SHENANIGANS at the Olympics: https://www.startribune.com/feuding-curlers-slushy-ice-and-other-shocking-olympics-scandals/601583262

Trump hosts first “board of peace” meeting: https://www.politico.com/news/2026/02/19/trump-gets-his-board-of-peace-even-as-bigger-countries-steer-clear-00789617
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/20/azerbaijan-trump-board-peace-protestors

RFK Jr. and Kid Rock collaborate on MAHA video with hot tub and milk: https://www.thedailybeast.com/rfk-jr-and-kid-rock-bizarrely-strip-off-to-push-maha-agenda/

On this week's episode: Olympians will get private about their jump technique, two thirds of us will not appear in the Epstein files, and we're gonna make you wait way too long to learn which of us is the third.

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Headline Sources:
Epstein document release: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/justice-department/epstein-files-key-takeaways-trump-musk-rcna256713What do emails between Mandelson and Epstein say?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz9vz8d0n85o
'I never left your side': Emails reveal more about Mandelson's Epstein friendship
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cevn33kgxgmo
Mandelson offered to help Epstein get Russian visa, documents suggest
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0r4knee4gno ‘Penis injection’ claims in Winter Olympics ski jumping investigated by Wada
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2026/feb/05/penis-injection-doping-claims-in-winter-olympics-ski-jumping-investigated-by-wada
Did Trump shit himself on live television? https://uk.news.yahoo.com/no-credible-evidence-trump-pooped-002800721.html
Farage unveils plan to cut price of pint by reinstating two-child benefit cap
https://metro.co.uk/2026/02/03/farage-unveils-plan-cut-price-pint-reinstating-two-child-benefit-cap-26689701/
Braverman and Jenrick 'accidentally' vote for two child cap to be removed in blunder
https://www.lbc.co.uk/article/braverman-jenrick-accidentally-vote-two-child-cap-5HjdRpJ_2/
Rupert Lowe’s sim-plistic approach to counting migrants
https://x.com/RupertLowe10/status/2014083705493483760 / https://www.thenewworld.co.uk/rats-in-a-sack-rupert-lowes-sim-plistic-approach-to-counting-migrants/ (https://archive.is/Ch84S)
Ukip logo 'linked to Nazi symbol' thrown out by Electoral Commission
https://www.thenational.scot/news/25799148.ukip-logo-linked-nazi-symbol-thrown-electoral-commission/Rep. Nancy Mace made aides upvote her in Reddit “who’s hotter” posts, former staff allege
https://dailydot.com/nancy-mace-reddit-polls
Police chief retires over Israeli fans ban row
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c77k670ez6yo