There is a secret heart inside violence, but most of us are taught to avoid violence, which means that we don't tend to learn much about it.

In this episode, I explore the conditions that create healthy forms of violence and the conditions that make violence frakked up and a losing game for everyone.

Violence has an important purpose, and it can be understood and addressed intelligently. In fact, people (and animals) have been studying and responding to violence skillfully for centuries.

We can take an off-ramp from abusive and violent relationships, ideologies, and groups -- but first, we have to understand how we went down this wrong road, and how we can get onto a road that's going somewhere better.

Mentioned in this episode:

My Master's thesis on autism: Interrogating Normal: Autism Social Skills Training at the Margins of a Social Fiction: https://scholarworks.calstate.edu/concern/theses/mw22v614s

Books mentioned in this episode: https://bookshop.org/lists/the-off-ramp-project

Talk to Me by Emma Van Der Klift

Warriors and Peacemakers by Mark Cooney

The Power Manual by Cyndi Suarez

When Killing is a Crime by Tony Waters (and me!): https://www.rienner.com/title/When_Killing_Is_a_Crime

Hierarchies give us ways to grade things and put them in order, which is helpful -- UNLESS we use them to grade human beings.

What I call "hierarchies of human worth" create unnecessary trouble for everyone.

At this painful and chaotic time in American history, we are struggling under multiple hierarchies of human worth: race, gender, sexual orientation, wealth level, and religiosity, to name a few.

Each of these hierarchies damages the emotional functioning, empathic capacities, and social functioning of everyone trapped within them. UNLESS people understand how these hierarchies work and how to address that damage, no matter where you land in them.

Hierarchies of human worth lead us in ugly, painful, and ultimately worthless directions. There are better ways to structure human traits, human activities, and human cultures, and we can take an off-ramp and build them together.

Books mentioned in this episode: https://bookshop.org/lists/karla-mclaren-s-books

The Power of Emotions at Work by Karla McLaren

Escaping Utopia By Janja Lalich and Karla McLaren

The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren

The Art of Empathy by Karla McLaren

Knowing the deeper story -- in a time when the stories we're told tend to be shallow and manipulative -- is a way to reclaim your humanity, your emotions, your empathy, your attention, and your power.

It's also a way to reclaim the humanity of the people who have been set against you -- as you have been set against them -- as a way for the people in power to control us all.

Well, sorry neither! There is a deeper story here that needs to be told so that we can reclaim ourselves, each other, and our communities again.

In this episode:

Braver Angels: https://braverangels.org/our-mission/

Books mentioned in this episode: https://bookshop.org/lists/the-off-ramp-project

The Managed Heart: Commercialization of Human Feeling by Arlie Russell Hochschild

Stolen Pride: Loss, Shame, and the Rise of the Right by Arlie Russell Hochschild

Strangers in Their Own Land: Anger and Mourning on the American Right by Arlie Russell Hochschild

The Power of Emotions at Work: Accessing the Vital Intelligence in Your Workplace by Karla McLaren: https://bookshop.org/lists/karla-mclaren-s-books