Am I The Problem? cover art

Am I The Problem?

Am I The Problem?

By: Helen Villiers MA
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You grew up neurodivergent in a toxic household. Now you can't tell if you're the problem, if you're overreacting, or if the thing you're upset about is even a thing. You apologise for existing, you can't say no without a panic attack, and you genuinely don't know what you want for dinner. Am I The Problem? is a podcast for late-diagnosed ADHD and autistic adults working out what got installed wrong when neurodivergent wiring met an emotionally abusive or narcissistic family. Each week, host Helen Villiers takes one specific glitch, the apology reflex, the inability to know what you actually feel, the panic when you try to set a limit, and reverse-engineers it. What the neurodivergence is doing, what the trauma is doing, and what to actually do about it. Mostly no, you're not the problem. Sometimes, a bit. Either way, here's the mechanism. Helen Villiers is a psychotherapist with ADHD and co-author of You're Not The Problem. She specialises in adults raised by narcissistic and emotionally abusive parents, particularly those also navigating ADHD, autism, and late diagnosis. Topics include alexithymia, masking, the fawn response, executive function, emotional dysregulation, interoception, hypervigilance, people pleasing, learned helplessness, identity rebuilding after toxic parenting, and the specific challenges of parenting neurodivergent children when you're neurodivergent yourself. Is This A Thing? is the paid companion show, available on Apple Podcasts Subscriptions or included with Core tier membership and above inside The Hub, Helen's ND inclusive membership community for people recovering from emotional abuse, find it at liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub. Released in seasons of 12 episodes. New episodes weekly while we're in one, breaks in between to come up with the next.

helenvilliersliberation.substack.comHelen Villiers Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • 8.Is This ADHD or Shame?

    8.Is This ADHD or Shame?
    Jul 8 2026

    You have a cupboard full of abandoned hobbies. A project you still can’t bring yourself to throw away. Every unfinished task feels like evidence that you’re lazy, flaky, or incapable.

    Except what if it isn’t?

    If you have ADHD and grew up in an environment where your differences were criticised, mocked, or misunderstood, it can become almost impossible to separate the way your brain naturally works from the shame that was layered on top of it. This episode explores how ordinary ADHD traits become confused with character flaws, why unfinished projects carry so much emotional weight, and how years of criticism can leave you measuring yourself with a stick that was never built for your brain.

    Resources mentioned:

    Russell Barkley on ADHD and executive functionResearch on self-handicapping and perfectionismResearch on conditioning, shame, and behaviour change

    Go deeper:

    The companion episode of Is This A Thing? explores self-handicapping in much more depth, including why shame changes the way we approach goals, how perfectionism develops as a protective strategy, and what the evidence says about breaking the cycle. Available on The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

    Aperio Profiles:

    Neurodivergent-informed cognitive and personality profiling for individuals, managers, and HR. Not a diagnosis. A functional map of how your brain actually works.

    aperioprofiles.co.uk



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit helenvilliersliberation.substack.com/subscribe
    Show More Show Less
    18 mins
  • 7. Why You Trust Too Fast Or Not At All

    7. Why You Trust Too Fast Or Not At All
    Jul 1 2026

    You meet someone and tell them your life story within a week. Or you’ve known someone for years and still don’t think they really know you.

    It can feel like you’re either all in or completely shut down, with nothing in between.

    If you grew up in an environment where your privacy wasn’t respected and your boundaries were repeatedly crossed, trusting other people can become incredibly difficult. This episode explores why oversharing and hyper-independence are often two versions of the same survival strategy, and why the real work isn’t learning to trust other people, it’s learning to trust yourself.

    Resources mentioned:

    Research on attachment and interpersonal trustResearch on boundaries and self-conceptNeurodivergence, masking, and relational safety

    Go deeper:

    The companion episode of Is This A Thing? explores the difference between privacy and secrecy, why so many survivors feel guilty for having an inner world of their own, and how learning to keep something for yourself can become an essential part of recovery. Available on The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

    Aperio Profiles:

    Neurodivergent-informed cognitive and personality profiling for individuals, managers, and HR. Not a diagnosis. A functional map of how your brain actually works.

    aperioprofiles.co.uk



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit helenvilliersliberation.substack.com/subscribe
    Show More Show Less
    24 mins
  • 6. Am I Protecting Myself Or Punishing Them?

    6. Am I Protecting Myself Or Punishing Them?
    Jun 24 2026

    You leave a conversation because you’re overwhelmed. You stop replying because you need space. You take a break from someone who’s hurting you.

    And then the guilt arrives.

    Not because you’re worried about the relationship. Because you’re worried you’ve just become the person who hurt you.

    If you grew up around withdrawal, silent treatment, emotional punishment, or unpredictable communication, it can become incredibly difficult to tell the difference between protecting yourself and punishing someone else. This episode explores why so many survivors struggle to trust their own exits, how neurodivergent overwhelm can complicate conflict, and why two behaviours that look identical on the outside can be completely different underneath.

    Resources mentioned:

    Research on stress and verbal processingResearch on threat prediction and conditioned responsesFunctional analysis and behavioural psychology

    Go deeper:

    The companion episode of Is This A Thing? explores the behavioural science underneath silence, withdrawal, and conflict responses, including the difference between conditioned reactions and learned behaviours, and why understanding that distinction changes everything. Available on The Hub: liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub

    Aperio Profiles:

    Neurodivergent-informed cognitive and personality profiling for individuals, managers, and HR. Not a diagnosis. A functional map of how your brain actually works.

    aperioprofiles.co.uk



    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit helenvilliersliberation.substack.com/subscribe
    Show More Show Less
    29 mins
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