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That's Where I'm At

That's Where I'm At

By: Laura Richards
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Welcome to "That's Where I'm At" with your host, Laura Richards! Join Laura Richards, a survivor of narcissistic abuse with 33 years experience, as she guides you through the journey of identifying, healing from, and thriving after emotional and psychological abuse. With a mission to raise awareness, foster emotional recovery, and empower you to love yourself, Laura brings honesty, compassion, and a touch of humor to every episode. Dive into deep, meaningful conversations, tackle tough topics, and uncover moments of hope and healing. Our supportive community is here for you, offering insights, support, and a shared path to recovery and empowerment. Subscribe now and be part of a transformative journey that's messy, real, and truly inspiring!2023 Hygiene & Healthy Living Personal Development Personal Success Psychology Psychology & Mental Health
Episodes
  • EP 85: Understanding Narcissistic Abuse and Coercive Control with Mardi Winder: A Strategic Guide for Women Facing Complex Divorces

    EP 85: Understanding Narcissistic Abuse and Coercive Control with Mardi Winder: A Strategic Guide for Women Facing Complex Divorces
    Jun 10 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura welcomes Mardi Winder, a Strategic Divorce Consultant, founder of Strategic Divorce Directory and Positive Communication Systems, host of The D Shift: Redefining Divorce and Beyond podcast, and creator of the Real Divorce Talks summit series. With more than 30 years of experience supporting individuals through high-conflict, complex, and high-asset divorces, Mardi specializes in helping clients navigate separation with greater clarity, confidence, and control while reducing the emotional and financial costs of the process. Drawing from her extensive background in mediation, executive and leadership coaching, emotional intelligence, and strategic communication, Mardi shares her expertise on navigating divorces involving narcissistic abuse and coercive control. She and Laura discuss the psychological tactics abusers use, including gaslighting, smear campaigns, and trauma bonding, as well as why leaving these relationships can be so difficult. Mardi also offers practical insights into mediation, decision-making, and the importance of building the right legal and professional support team. Throughout the conversation, both women share personal experiences and explore how narcissists often target strong, capable individuals while systematically undermining their confidence over time. This episode provides valuable education, practical resources, and reassurance that healing, empowerment, and a healthier future are possible after abuse and divorce. Key Topics & Timestamps Navigating Mediation in High-Conflict Divorces (00:00:00) Mardi advises on using mediation, knowing your bottom line, and having an attorney on call to review any agreements. Podcast Introduction (00:01:00) Host Laura introduces the "That's Where I'm At" podcast, its mission to share stories, and help women heal. Guest Introduction: Mardi Wender (00:01:59) Laura welcomes strategic divorce consultant Mardi Wender and shares her extensive background in high-conflict divorce, mediation, and coaching. Mardi's Journey into Divorce Consulting (00:03:43) Mardi explains her background in family mediation, domestic violence advocacy, and how she transitioned to coaching targets of narcissists. Laura's Mediation Experience (00:07:08) Laura reflects on her own mediation, wishing she had representation and knew about narcissistic abuse and coercive control tactics. Pets and Kids in Abusive Relationships (00:10:48) Mardi discusses how pets and children are often used as leverage, making it difficult for victims to leave. The Trauma Bond and Feeling Stuck (00:11:35) Laura and Mardi discuss the trauma bond and how abusers erode their partner's confidence, making them feel incapable of leaving. The Slow Erosion of Self-Esteem (00:13:25) Laura shares how her ex-husband chipped away at her self-worth, making even her own father doubt her independence. Extreme Manipulation and Smear Campaigns (00:14:32) Mardi shares a story of a client whose husband drugged her to create a false narrative that she was an alcoholic. Gaslighting and Finding Clarity (00:16:10) Laura describes being gaslit into believing she was "crazy" and how understanding narcissistic abuse helped her start to heal. The Neuroscience of Narcissism (00:19:52) Mardi discusses the brain differences in narcissists and psychopaths, explaining why they lack conscientiousness and see everyone as a threat. "Super Traits" and How They're Exploited (00:23:01) Mardi explains how narcissists weaponize their partner's positive traits like loyalty, honesty, and commitment to maintain control. The Blame Game and Maintaining Integrity (00:24:28) Laura discusses how abusers shift blame, making their victims feel responsible for the relationship ending, despite the abuser's actions. Extreme Acquiescence in Abusive Relationships (00:25:54) Mardi shares a story of a client who was so manipulated she allowed her husband to bring sex workers home. Brainwashing and Cult-Like Dynamics (00:28:44) Mardi explains the elements of brainwashing and compares the dynamic in these relationships to being in a "cult of one." The Narcissist's Need for a Partner (00:33:12) Mardi explains that narcissists are empty vessels who need a partner for "narcissistic supply" and to maintain appearances. First Date Red Flags (00:35:28) Mardi offers tips for spotting a narcissist early on, such as turning questions back on them and testing their flexibility. Mardi's Podcast and Summits (00:37:30) Mardi talks about starting her podcast to provide resources and hosting free divorce summits to help people heal. The Power of Sharing Stories (00:40:03) Laura and Mardi discuss the importance of women sharing their stories and connecting with each other for support and healing. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Mardi, "I tell people it's literally like you've been a hostage, and you wouldn't ask a hostage to negotiate with the person that kidnapped them." Laura, "When...
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    42 mins
  • EP 84: From Trauma to Thriving: Dr. Nadine Macaluso's Untold Story Behind The Wolf of Wall Street

    EP 84: From Trauma to Thriving: Dr. Nadine Macaluso's Untold Story Behind The Wolf of Wall Street
    Jun 3 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura interviews Dr. Nadine Macaluso (Dr. Nae), the real-life inspiration behind Naomi Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street. After surviving a turbulent eight-year marriage to Jordan Belfort marked by abuse, greed, trauma bonding, and coercive control, Dr. Nae transformed her own healing journey into a mission to help others reclaim their lives. Following her experiences, Dr. Nae returned to school at age 39, earning a Master's degree in counseling and a Ph.D. in somatic psychotherapy, along with advanced postdoctoral training in the Neuro-Affective Relational Model (NARM). Today, she is a licensed therapist specializing in trauma recovery, helping clients reconnect with their authentic selves, build resilience, and experience post-traumatic growth. In this powerful conversation, Dr. Nae shares her personal story of surviving an abusive relationship, the loss of identity that often accompanies coercive control, and the complex reality of trauma bonds. She also offers practical guidance on leaving safely, healing the nervous system, and cultivating self-compassion throughout the recovery process. Together, Laura and Dr. Nae explore how education, community, and inner healing can empower survivors to move beyond trauma and create lives rooted in confidence, agency, and hope. Key Topics & Timestamps Guest Introduction: Doctor Nadine Macaluso (00:01:25) Laura introduces Doctor Nadine Macaluso (Doctor Nae), the real-life inspiration for Naomi Belfort in "The Wolf of Wall Street." The Beginning of the Relationship (00:02:53) Doctor Nae recounts how she met Jordan Belfort, the intense pursuit, and the extreme love bombing that quickly followed. Coercion into Marriage (00:07:49) Doctor Nae explains she didn't want to get married but was coerced with ultimatums, which she rationalized as intense love. Societal Pressures on Women (00:09:15) The discussion covers how societal messages in the 80s and 90s encouraged women to self-abandon for a "prince charming." The Importance of Setting Boundaries (00:11:36) Doctor Nae explains that setting a boundary with a pathological person will reveal their true nature through rage and resistance. Why Women Don't Leave (00:14:13) The conversation explores the complexities of trauma bonds, coercive control, and the intense fear that prevents women from leaving abusive relationships. Financial and Emotional Dependency (00:16:02) Doctor Nae discusses how abusers create financial and emotional dependency to maintain control, a key component of the trauma bond. Leaving Without a Trauma Bond (00:18:39) Doctor Nae explains she was "done" when she left and didn't experience a strong trauma bond, largely because his arrest shifted the power dynamic. Deciding to Share Her Story (00:21:23) Doctor Nae shares that she never intended to go public until her ex-husband wrote a book that became a movie. Becoming a Therapist (00:22:23) Inspired by how therapy saved her, Doctor Nae returned to school at 39 to become a therapist and help others. Supporting a Friend in a Trauma Bond (00:25:47) Doctor Nae advises friends to listen without judgment and keep communication open, asking if their friend wants to be heard, helped, or held. The Unsafe Way to Leave (00:26:53) Doctor Nae clarifies the movie's depiction of her divorce announcement, explaining the real, dangerous events that unfolded after she confronted him. The Safe Way to Leave (00:29:58) Doctor Nae outlines a strategic, secret plan for leaving an abuser, including gathering documents and finding a trauma-informed therapist. Somatic Psychotherapy and Healing (00:31:18) The discussion covers how trauma creates a biochemical addiction and how somatic work helps calm the nervous system and heal the body. The Loss of Self (00:34:41) Doctor Nae explains that losing one's identity is the number one symptom of a trauma bond, as you must abandon yourself. Remodeling Your Life After Abuse (00:36:41) Instead of rebuilding, Doctor Nae suggests women are "remodeling" their lives by rediscovering their strengths and authentic selves without pressure. Childhood and Vulnerability to Abuse (00:40:21) Doctor Nae dispels the myth that only those from abusive homes fall for predators, stating anyone can be a victim. First Steps After Realization (00:42:52) Doctor Nae advises women who realize they're in a toxic relationship to practice self-compassion and stabilize with dedicated self-care. From Surviving to Thriving (00:45:30) Doctor Nae discusses post-traumatic growth, where survivors can become stronger, have healthier relationships, and find their purpose after abuse. Post-Separation Abuse (00:48:00) The conversation highlights the reality of post-separation abuse through the court system and the importance of education and a good attorney. Breaking the Shame by Speaking Out (00:50:08) Doctor Nae emphasizes that sharing stories, as seen with some celebrities, is how the silence and shame...
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    54 mins
  • EP 83: Breaking Generational Cycles: Amy Duggar King on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Religious Control

    EP 83: Breaking Generational Cycles: Amy Duggar King on Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Religious Control
    May 27 2026
    In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura interviews Amy Duggar King, known from 19 Kids and Counting. Amy is a wife and mother who is determined to break the chains and cycles of abuse so her son, Dax, can have a healthier and happier future. Drawing from her own lived experiences, Amy openly shares her journey of healing, setting boundaries, and finding the courage to speak her truth. Together, Laura and Amy discuss growing up in a controlling, abusive family environment shaped by high-control religion and narcissistic dynamics. Amy opens up about confronting family scandals, breaking free from toxic cycles, and learning how to protect her peace and prioritize her healing. Throughout the conversation, both women emphasize how sharing stories can break shame, foster healing, and inspire others who may be navigating similar struggles. Key Topics & Timestamps Podcast Introduction (00:00:42) Host Laura introduces the podcast's mission to share stories of healing from narcissistic abuse and toxic family dynamics. Guest Introduction: Amy Duggar King (00:01:40) Laura welcomes guest Amy Duggar King, a wife, mom, and cycle breaker known from the show "19 Kids and Counting." The Catalyst for Speaking Out (00:03:10) Amy explains that her grandmother's passing was the catalyst for seeing the family's unhealthy, controlling behavior and deciding to speak out. Breaking the Shame Cycle (00:04:32) Laura and Amy discuss how speaking out breaks the shame associated with abuse and helps others feel less alone. Relating to Amy's Story Beyond TV (00:05:49) Amy's story of narcissistic abuse resonates with many, regardless of the TV show fame, because it's a common experience. The Pressure to Forgive and Forget (00:07:40) Laura and Amy discuss the toxic pressure from evangelical backgrounds to simply "forgive and move on" without addressing the abuse. Navigating Family Contact and Boundaries (00:09:06) Amy shares that she is only in contact with her cousin Jill, as setting boundaries caused most family to disappear. Understanding Jim Bob's Controlling Nature (00:10:41) Amy discusses how her uncle Jim Bob's abusive upbringing likely led to his desire for control promised by IBLP. Unspoken Family Trauma (00:13:45) Amy explains she never questioned her family's dynamics growing up, as asking questions was seen as a "heart issue." High-Control Religion and Narcissism (00:15:42) The hosts discuss how high-control religious environments can be breeding grounds for narcissists who hide behind the cross. The Consequences of Questioning the System (00:18:10) Amy explains how questioning the family system leads to rejection, while her cousin Jill navigates it with strategic boundaries. The "Crazy" Nickname and Public Perception (00:21:16) Amy discusses being labeled "crazy" on the show for not conforming and how she was edited for a specific narrative. Surviving by Playing a Part (00:22:38) Amy shares how she had to hide her true self, even making up stories based on movie plots to survive. Discovering Family Scandals (00:24:14) Amy describes the earth-shattering experience of learning about her family's scandals on national television along with the public. Grieving the Living and What Could Have Been (00:26:09) Amy talks about the painful process of grieving living family members, especially her father, and the relationships she never had. The Pain and Healing of Writing a Book (00:28:46) Writing and narrating her book forced Amy to relive her trauma, which was painful but also a part of healing. Childhood Patterns and Trauma Bonds (00:30:05) The hosts discuss how childhood abuse patterns and trauma bonds can normalize toxic behavior and influence future relationships. Breaking the Cycle for the Next Generation (00:32:33) Amy and her mom are healing their inner children by creating a safe, peaceful, and joyful home for Amy's son. The Rules of High-Control Religion (00:35:57) Amy discusses the controlling rules she faced, from clothing colors and hairstyles to being shamed for her appearance. Arbitrary Rules and Shifting Goalposts (00:42:21) Amy explains how family rules were arbitrary and would change on a whim, a classic tactic in high-control environments. Embracing the "Crazy" Label (00:45:45) Amy shares how she eventually embraced the "crazy" label given to her, deciding to live freely and be adventurous. Confronting Josh Duggar (00:46:58) Amy recounts the moment she decided to confront her cousin Josh about his actions after feeling deceived by her family. The Aftermath and Lack of Therapy (00:51:20) Amy explains that IBLP teachings discourage outside therapy, so she believes most of the girls involved never received proper help. What's Next for Amy (00:52:39) Amy shares her plans to write a self-help book and potentially start a podcast with her husband to help others. Podcast Wrap-Up and Final Thoughts (00:54:36) Laura and Amy conclude by encouraging listeners to question unhealthy ...
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    57 mins
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