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Complicated Kids

Complicated Kids

By: Gabriele Nicolet
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Complicated Kids is a podcast about why raising kids can feel like an extreme sport sometimes. Join me to unpack all of it, figure out who needs what, and help your family thrive.2024 Parenting & Families Relationships
Episodes
  • The ABCs of Big Emotions with Elizabeth Sautter

    The ABCs of Big Emotions with Elizabeth Sautter
    Jun 16 2026
    You do not have to be afraid of big emotions, but you do need a way to meet them. In this episode, I talk with Elizabeth Sautter about what actually helps in those moments when a child's feelings get big. Elizabeth walks us through her ABCs of big emotions framework: first assess and get curious, then balance the brain, and then move toward connection and collaboration. We talk about why behavior is data, why the first move is not fixing or teaching, and why the adult's ability to pause matters so much. She also reminds us that self-care is not selfish, it is essential, because we cannot lend regulation to a child when our own system is already flooded. We also get into what this looks like in real life. Elizabeth explains why telling a dysregulated child to take a deep breath often backfires, why "listen and validate" has to come before problem-solving, and why connection in the moment is different from collaboration later. There is such a helpful reframe here around emotions taking the time they take. The goal is not to rush them out of the body. The goal is to help a child feel safe enough to move through them and then build more skills outside the crisis moment. Key Takeaways Big emotions are data. They are not something to fear or immediately shut down. They are a stress response and a form of communication.The first step is assessment, not control. Elizabeth's "A" is about assessing the moment, pausing, and getting curious about what is really happening underneath the behavior.Self-care is part of co-regulation. If the adult nervous system is already overwhelmed, it is much harder to respond with steadiness.Balance the brain before you try to teach. The "B" is about helping the adult and child nervous systems settle enough that thinking becomes possible again.One breath for me, one breath for you. Elizabeth offers this as a simple way for adults to ground themselves and orient toward supporting the child without demanding the child self-regulate first.Do not ask a dysregulated child to perform calm. If a child is already flooded, telling them to breathe or answer questions may just add more pressure.Connection comes before collaboration. In the moment, the work is to listen and validate. The learning, problem-solving, and collaboration happen later, when the child is back in a learning state.Validation does not require fixing. Sometimes what helps most is being present, using a slow and low voice, and letting the child know their feelings are not too much for the relationship.Emotions are not supposed to move on our timetable. Kids are born with all the feelings and not all the skills, so part of the work is tolerating that emotions take time.Skill building mostly happens outside the crisis. The longer-term work is proactive sensory support, movement, regulation tools, and practicing what to do before the next hard moment arrives. About Elizabeth Sautter Elizabeth Sautter, MA, CCC-SLP, is a speech-language pathologist, author, trainer, and social-emotional learning coach with more than 25 years of experience supporting neurodivergent individuals and their families. She is the author of Make Social and Emotional Learning Stick, co-founder of The Connected Family Community, and a collaborator with The Zones of Regulation® and Everyday Regulation. As a neurodivergent adult and parent of two neurodivergent boys, Elizabeth combines professional expertise with lived experience to offer practical, neurodiversity-affirming strategies that support emotional regulation, executive functioning, and communication through everyday routines. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here 💛
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    27 mins
  • You Can Teach Your Kid to Read at Home with Faye Bankler Casell

    You Can Teach Your Kid to Read at Home with Faye Bankler Casell
    Jun 9 2026
    If a child is struggling to learn to read, waiting rarely makes that easier. In this episode, I talk with Faye Bankler Casell about what parents need to know when early reading is not coming together the way it should. Faye explains why reading instruction in schools can feel like a lottery system, why so many children are still being missed until third or fourth grade, and why first grade is such an important window for intervention. We talk about the science of reading, early identification, and the very real difference between a child who is guessing well and a child who is actually decoding. We also get into what parents can actually do. Faye walks through the foundational sound-level skills that matter most, what to watch for in preschool and kindergarten, and why waiting for a child to fail before acting can come at such a high cost academically and emotionally. One of the things I really love about this conversation is how practical and hopeful it is. Parents do not need to become reading specialists overnight, but they can learn what to look for, what questions to ask, and how to start supporting a child sooner rather than later. Key Takeaways Early intervention matters enormously. If a child is not learning to read easily, first grade is a powerful time to intervene. Waiting until fourth grade makes intervention longer and much harder.A child can show risk signs before they are formally reading. Faye explains that dyslexia risk can often be identified by around age five and a half because the issue is rooted in language processing, not just school reading performance.Reading struggles often start at the sound level. Parents want to look closely at phonological awareness, letter-sound connections, rhyming, sound deletion, and sound substitution.Some bright kids compensate for a long time. A child may memorize words, guess from pictures, or use the first letter as a clue, which can make it look like reading is fine until the demands get heavier.Third grade is often when the mask slips. That is when memorization stops being enough and multisyllabic academic language starts to expose the underlying gaps.Structured literacy helps all kids and is essential for some. Faye frames this approach as beneficial for everyone and absolutely necessary for children whose brains are not going to intuit reading patterns on their own.Speech and language history matters. If a child has had speech delays or ongoing language-processing concerns, that is a reason to stay especially alert around reading development.Parents do not have to wait passively. Even while seeking testing, services, or better school support, there are meaningful ways families can start helping at home.Correct answers do not always mean mastery. A child can get a word or pattern right through guessing or partial knowledge, which is why adult observation still matters so much.This is not about a broken child. It is about teaching in a way that matches how the child learns. The burden belongs with the adults and the system, not with the child. About Faye Bankler Casell Faye Bankler Casell received her MA in Early Childhood Education and Special Education from Teachers College Columbia. After teaching in public and private programs across the US, she redesigned an early childhood inclusion program that received recognition from the US Department of Education, NPR, and a national organization. Inspired by the need to launch the reading of her twice exceptional child, Faye became a Certified Academic Language Therapist and Dyslexia Therapist. She now supports parents in the early reading development of their dyslexic children through Home Reading Coach, her social platforms, and her YouTube channel, "Teach My Child to Read." She also works privately with clients and is launching a parent-led, therapist-coached dyslexia program for families supporting reading at home. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube 👾 Grab Tell the Story: Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: LinkedIn Profile 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love ...
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    26 mins
  • Parenting ND Teens In Crisis with Katie K May

    Parenting ND Teens In Crisis with Katie K May
    Jun 2 2026
    When a teen is in crisis, the behavior is not the whole message. In this conversation, I talk with Katie May about what she calls "fire feelers," kids and teens who are biologically sensitive, highly reactive, and slow to return to baseline once emotions get big. Katie explains how these kids often grow up hearing some version of "you're fine" when they are very much not fine, and how that repeated mismatch can teach them to distrust their own internal experience. We talk about why self-destructive behavior is often an attempt to make overwhelming emotion stop, and why behavior has to be understood as communication before it can really change. We also get into one of the most important parts of the episode for me: what happens to parents when things escalate. Katie talks about the shame and blame cycle, the grief that sits underneath so much of that, and why parents need their own support if they are going to stay steady in the middle of a crisis. We unpack the revolving door of hospitalization, what keeps families stuck there, and why healing is not about making all the stress disappear. It is about learning how to live inside a life that is hard and still build something meaningful, connected, and hopeful. Key Takeaways Some kids are biologically more sensitive. They feel emotions intensely, react quickly, and take longer to calm back down. Katie calls these kids "fire feelers."Repeated dismissal teaches kids to doubt themselves. When a child keeps hearing "you're fine" while feeling overwhelmed, they may start to believe their own internal signals are wrong.Self-destructive behavior is often a solution, not just a problem. It may be an impulsive attempt to make unbearable emotion go away fast.Behavior is communication. If the outside looks chaotic, there is usually something painful and dysregulated happening on the inside.Validation is not approval. It is a way of saying, "I see how hard this is for you," without reinforcing harmful behavior.Parents do not need a perfect script. Sometimes the right response is words, and sometimes it is simply staying present without minimizing what the teen is feeling.Beneath blame and shame, there is often grief. Parents are grieving the gap between the life they imagined and the life they are actually living.You cannot just remove a coping strategy without building something else. If a behavior is serving a survival function, there has to be a different way for that person to get through the day.The hospitalization cycle can become its own trap. Parents and clinicians feel temporary relief, but the teen often comes back to the same triggers without enough targeted support.Parents need real support too. This is heavy, isolating work, and families need spaces where they can talk honestly without being judged or panicked at. About Katie May Katie K. May is a licensed therapist, author, speaker, and group practice owner. She founded Creative Healing, a multi-location teen support center in the Philadelphia area, and wrote the #1 Amazon best-seller You're On Fire, It's Fine. With lived experience as a teen who turned to self-harm, Katie is one of only 11 Linehan Board Certified DBT Clinicians in Pennsylvania, the gold standard treatment for self-harm and suicidal behaviors. She equips parents and clinicians with practical, trauma-informed tools to decode behavior as survival and create lasting change. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 Website: www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: Book Here 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: Complicated Kids YouTube Channel 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): Tell the Story ➡️ Instagram: @gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free Orchid Kid Checklist: Download Here Enjoying the Show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at podcast@complicatedkids.com. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛
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    23 mins
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