Bonni is the host of the Teaching in Higher Ed podcast, Dean of Teaching and Learning and Professor of Business and Management at Vanguard University, and my life partner. Prior to her academic career, she was a human resources consultant and executive officer for a publicly traded company. Bonni is the author of The Productive Online and Offline Professor: A Practical Guide (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

In this reflection episode, Bonni and I look back on recent past episodes and discuss questions, feedback, and insights that have surfaced from recent conversations.

Dave responded to this question from Margaret Andrews:

• What does success look like for you?

“You can have everything in life you want if you’ll just help enough other people get what they want.” -Zig Ziglar

“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” -Earl Nightingale

Bonni responded to this question:

• What feedback have you received over the years about how your actions and behaviors impact others?

• To be of use by Marge Piercy

• How to Get Way Better at Accepting Feedback, with Sheila Heen (episode 143)
• Six Questions Every Leader Should Ask Themselves, with Margaret Andrews (episode 750)
• How to Lead a Meaningful Cultural Shift, with David Hutchens (episode 755)

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Shirzad has been the CEO of the largest coach training organization in the world. He has lectured on Positive Intelligence at Stanford University and has trained faculty at Stanford and Yale business schools. He is the author of The New York Times bestseller Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

By overusing our strengths, they can become our weakness. It’s just one of the many ways that leaders self-sabotage. In this conversation, Shirzad and I explore how to shift from self-sabotage to self-mastery.

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. -Henry David Thoreau

• We are all a mixed bag of Darth Vader (saboteur) and Jedi knight (sage).
• By overusing a strength, you turn it into a weakness.
• Rather than attempting to eliminate all our saboteurs, it’s more helpful to be intentional about quieting them down.
• The four most common saboteurs that show up for leaders are Controller, Stickler, Hyper Achiever, Hyper Rational.
• Sage perspective: Every outcome or circumstance can be turned into an opportunity.
• A 10-second brain shift can help quiet your mind and engage the sage. One way to do this is to rub your fingers together and notice the friction to get your mind out of autopilot.

• Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours by Shirzad Chamine (Amazon, Bookshop)*
• Saboteur Assessment
• Dave’s assessment results

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

• How to Tame Your Inner Critic, with Tara Mohr (episode 232)
• The Path to More Joy in Work and Life, with Judith Joseph (episode 734)
• How to See What’s Holding You Back, with Marty Dubin (episode 765)

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Nilofer Merchant is ranked among the world’s top management thinkers by Thinkers50 and is the founder of The Intangible Labs, where she defines the leading indicators of modern work. She’s launched more than 100 products totaling $18B in revenue, and her TED Talk, Sitting Is the Smoking of Our Generation, ranks in the top 10% of all TED Talks. She is the author of Our Best Work: Break Free from the 24 Invisible Norms That Limit Us (Amazon, Bookshop)*.

When bad behavior happens in an organization, it’s the job of the leader to address it. In this conversation, Nilofer and I explore the strategies and tactics that will help you do this with clarity and effectiveness.

• Bad behavior isn’t just “bad apples” – it’s also the organizational norms of “the barrel” that reinforce these behaviors.
• Most management norms are not persuasive; they are persistent.
• Begin by getting clarity on what’s acceptable and what’s not.
• Interrupt behavior without escalation. Consider phrases like, “Ouch,” or “I don’t know if you mean to…” or, “Did you intend that to be hurtful?”
• Culture is not defined by words on the wall—­it’s defined by what happens when someone crosses the line.
• Ask everyone to enforce norms, not just the person who was harmed.

• Our Best Work: Break Free from the 24 Invisible Norms That Limit Us by Nilofer Merchant (Amazon, Bookshop)*

Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).

• The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 458)
• How to Respond Better When Challenged, with Dolly Chugh (episode 615)
• Being Nice May Not Be Kind, with Graham Allcott (episode 767)

Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.