Takeaways

• Anger, resentment, and regret are emotions most of us were trained to suppress rather than process, and that suppression is exactly why they resurface in ugly, unexpected ways.
• The "just like me" lens, a concept Sandy picked up at a recent retreat, is a simple compassion practice: before reacting to someone's outburst, pause and ask how they might be feeling just like you do.
• This isn't about excusing bad behavior or skipping necessary intervention. It's about what a leader does in the moment before that intervention, and how a compassionate first response changes everything that follows.

In this episode of Flipping the Matrix, Sandy Wolff explores a question most workplaces avoid: what do we actually do with anger, resentment, and regret when they show up in ourselves and in the people we lead? Rather than treating these emotions as problems to fix or personality flaws to manage, Sandy invites listeners to slow down and get curious about where they come from.

She introduces a concept she picked up recently at a retreat, credited to presenters Pema and Amber: the "just like me" lens. The practice is simple. When someone's behavior irritates or upsets you, whether it's a team member's outburst in a meeting or a loved one's short temper at home, pause and consider that they might be carrying the same need to be heard, seen, and valued that you are. Just like me, they want their voice at the table. Just like me, they're holding onto hurts they've never had space to process.

Sandy is careful to draw a clear line. This isn't a call to accept poor behavior or skip the hard conversations, the coaching, or the HR support that some situations genuinely require. It's a shift in the lens leaders use before they get there, one rooted in curiosity instead of judgment. She reflects on her own impatience and quick judgments as a leader, and how this practice has given her more pause and more humanity in moments that used to trigger an instant reaction.

The episode closes with an invitation Sandy returns to often: if this conversation shifted something in you, share it with someone else who's ready to see things differently.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why anger, resentment, and regret get suppressed instead of processed
• The "just like me" compassion practice for leaders
• Curiosity versus judgment in workplace conflict
• Where this lens has limits (it doesn't replace real intervention)
• Leading with more self-awareness during triggering moments

Connect with Sandy https://sandywolff.com/